SO YOU THINK YOU HAVE A MARRIAGE TOO?

Hello dear friends & family!! We appreciate the privilege to share with you on the penultimate day in August 2019 & also the fact that this is the 130th post on this blog.

2019 is spinning away so fast & it’s super amazing to reflect on what has transpired so far this year. As usual, we love to ask about your goals & targets for 2019, hope it’s running smoothly or it’s jacking a bit & you need a pit-stop.

No matter the situation, just make sure you are growing that is the most important.

In our last session on this topic, we asked a question “SO YOU THINK YOU HAVE A MARRIAGE?” and we got a lot of feedback from people with different perspectives about the post & we do appreciate it as these comments make us know that people out there are reading & are being impacted by the post.

To catch up on the last post, please click the link below:

SO YOU THINK YOU HAVE A MARRIAGE?

Just a bit of house cleaning as we gradually look forward to celebrating our 5th Year Anniversary.

Please note that in the coming days & months some changes will be made regarding the distribution of our contents via Social Media to ensure that we are as less intrusive as possible.

Before that happens please subscribe to our blog by clicking the “Follow Blog” button at the bottom of our homepage. We do appreciate the support & feedback.

In our society today, there are a lot of living arrangements between a man & a woman that doesn’t necessarily mean marriage. The institution of marriage has really been watered down to the wedding ceremony alone. I recently attended a colleague’s wedding & I felt a bit of nostalgia looking at the couple beaming with smiles, holding hands & dancing.

It was really beautiful, however that wedding ceremony signals the beginning of a lifetime journey together as a couple & it’s the only institution in which you actually get a certificate (Marriage Certificate) before the learning, tests & examinations starts.

That event got me thinking about how the focus today is about arranging a big ceremony, while neglecting the journey of marriage.

That journey happens to have 4 seasons & it doesn’t mean like nature all of them come & go in a space of a year. The 4 seasons can happen to a couple in a space of days, weeks, months or years & to really affirm that you have a marriage the couple (as a team) must successfully navigate through these seasons & make adjustments while each season lasts to come out better.

Also the 4 seasons of marriage come in cycles & it’s never a one-off, so the requirement for the couple is to keep working on a daily or regular basis on themselves to get better & better.

As was mentioned in one of the posts on making a great team, there are stages to team dynamic: Forming, Storming, Norming & Performing. The same principle applies to marriage.

Marriages that have lasted over the years go through the 4 stages & seasons to come out pristine like Gold after a refiner’s fire.

My wife & I are looking to celebrate 14 years of marriage later this year & I must tell you it’s been awesome ( One of the best decisions I’ve made in my life) & challenging all at the same time. For us to really say or think we have a marriage, we’ve had to go through all of the stages & seasons while we kept getting better & better just like sweet wine.

A lot of younger couples see us & are inspired, they want what we have & even ask that we mentor & pray for them, etc. We just smile & oblige their request noting that nothing good come easily & it takes serious effort to get a good thing going. It’s a lot of hard-work & teamwork.

To put things in perspective:

EVERY MARRIAGE OUT THERE IS DEALING WITH ONE ISSUE OR ANOTHER.

Please don’t be deceived to think your marriage is so bad & that the grass is greener on the other side. It’s greener on that side because they put in the effort to water it.

I see a lot of young people who like our technological advancements wants things easy, quickly & microwaved but just like nature you need to plant the seed, water it, wait for a while to allow it grow & then get harvest.

SEED-TIME-HARVEST

The 4 Seasons

The concept of the 4 seasons of marriage comes from a book by one of my favorite authors Gary Chapman PhD ( who wrote The 5 Love Languages)

There is a series about The 5 Love Languages on this blog & you can click the link below to peruse them starting with Part 1

The 5 Love Languages

The climate in my home country of Nigeria is divided into 2 seasons: Raining Season ( which we are in now) & the Dry Season ( where we experience Harmattan between November & mid-March)

It’s possible to still discuss the seasons of marriage using this as examples, however to be consistent with the author in the light of the climate/weather obtainable in the US & the fact that it’s a global audience, we will stick with the 4 seasons of WINTER, SPRING,SUMMER & FALL.

In the next post on this series, each season will be looked at as Dr. Chapman highlighted in his book & we will draw out the emotions,attitudes,actions & the climate of relationship.

What stage of team dynamics are you in your marriage?

You think it’s greener on the other side?

What season are you currently in your marriage?

So you think you have a marriage too?

This is my snippet …….. I AM SHALOMESQ

SO YOU THINK YOU HAVE A MARRIAGE?

Hello wonderful friends & family!! Thank God it’s another great Friday, the 3rd one in August 2019.

We are always humbled by the privilege accorded us to share with you once a week & we are indeed blessed by the feedback(s) that we get which is a great source of encouragement to the shalomesqsnippet team.

Just a bit of house cleaning as we gradually look forward to celebrating our 5th Year Anniversary.

Please note that in the coming days & months some changes will be made regarding the distribution of our contents via Social Media to ensure that we are as less intrusive as possible.

Before that happens please subscribe to our blog by clicking the “Follow Blog” button at the bottom of our homepage. We do appreciate the support & feedback.

We do realize that we have so many series in the works since the beginning of the year, however this blog was created & designed to bless people across many fronts & to inspire others as we are also inspired.

Today’s post is a spin-off from the series on “THE MAKING OF A GREAT TEAM” especially the last post that looked at a couple as a team.

Please get updated on the series with the links below:

THE MAKING OF A GREAT TEAM – III

THE MAKING OF A GREAT TEAM – II

THE MAKING OF A GREAT TEAM – PREQUEL

THE MAKING OF A GREAT TEAM

The title of today’s post is inspired by one of the many TV shows I love to watch with my family “So You Think You Can Dance (SYTYCD)“.

SYTYCD

The show features a format wherein dancers trained in a variety of dance genres enter open auditions held in a number of major U.S. cities to showcase their talents and move forward through successive additional rounds of auditions to test their ability to adapt to different styles.

At the end of this process, a small number of dancers are chosen as finalists. These dancers move on to the competition’s main phase, where they perform solo, duet, and group dance numbers on live television, attempting to master a diverse selection of dance styles.

They compete for the votes of the broadcast viewing audience which, combined with the input of a panel of judges, determines which dancers advance to the next stage from week to week, until a winner is crowned as “America’s favorite dancer“.

I belong to a few Social Media groups & while travelling out of station last month, someone in one of the groups shared a book written by one of my favorite authors Gary Chapman PhD ( who wrote The 5 Love Languages) titled “The 4 seasons of Marriage : Secrets To A Lasting Marriage“.

As my practice I archived the book in my cloud storage with the aim of reading it while traveling not knowing that the series on the making of a great team will drift in this direction.

God has an amazing way of getting my attention about something ahead of time by orchestrating & aligning things around me in that particular direction.

So You Think You Have A Marriage (SYTYHAM)??

I will take a stab at this to the best of my abilities based on my knowledge in Life for over 40 years as well as experience in my soon to be 14 years of Marriage.

A lot of people do struggle when it comes to relationships & do dream of landing one of the best relationships on earth – MARRIAGE– however some of the knowledge they have about this wonderful aspect of mankind is based on warp ideologies,mindset, truism & paradigm.

I’ve tried to set the right baselines (for singles, searching & selecting) with some of my previous posts below:

This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh!! Part 1

This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh!! Part 2

Please permit me to skip for now the 2nd phase (of courtship & dating) & just jump to the crux of the matter (Marriage)

According to Dr. Chapman “Marriages are perpetually in a state of transition (of flux), continually moving from one season to another perhaps not annually, as in nature, but just as certainly and consistently. Sometimes we find ourselves in winter-discouraged, detached, and dissatisfied; other times we experience springtime, with its openness, hope, and anticipation. On still other occasions we bask in the warmth of summer-comfortable, relaxed, enjoying life. And then comes fall with its uncertainty, negligence, and apprehension.

The cycle repeats itself many times throughout the life of a marriage, just as the seasons repeat themselves in nature”

The book describes these recurring seasons of marriage,to help you and your spouse identify which season your marriage is in, and to show you how to move away from the unsettledness of fall or the alienation and coldness of winter toward the hopefulness of spring or the warmth and closeness of summer.

The 4 Seasons ( Summary)

The seasons of marriage come and go. Each one holds the potential for emotional health and happiness, and each one has its challenges. The key is to develop the necessary skills to enhance your marriage in all four seasons.

Unlike trees, which are at the mercy of the weather and other factors, as humans we have the capacity to make decisions. We can choose attitudes and actions that will improve and strengthen our marriages.

We can plant seeds of love and hope in the springtime that will produce fruit during the summer.

And we can harvest a storehouse of good feelings and open communication that will prepare us to weather the changes of fall and the icy cold of winter.

Marriage relationships are constantly changing. Attitudes shift, emotions fluctuate, and the way spouses treat each other ebbs and flows between loving and not so loving. Sometimes, change is beyond our control.

WINTER

Winter marriages are characterized by coldness, harshness, and bitterness. The dreams of spring are covered with layers of ice.” Conversations are only about logistics–who will do what and when they will do it.

Communication is relegated to silence, arguments, criticism, and, at times, verbal abuse. Lives are lived independently, although under the same roof.

SPRING

“Spring is where most marriages begin,” says Chapman. “The excitement of creating a new life together is not exclusively for newlyweds.” The emotions in a spring marriage are characterized by excitement, joy, hope, and happiness. Couples feel animated and buoyant, and their attitudes towards one another are positive.

There is both gratitude and anticipation of the future, and an overall feeling of optimism and trust.

SUMMER

Fun is the theme of a summer marriage,” says Chapman. “Life is beautiful and reaping benefits of efforts to understand each other. Spouses share a deep sense of commitment, satisfaction, and security in each other’s love.” Emotions include happiness, satisfaction, accomplishment, connection, peace, and FUN! Attitudes are beautiful, but they must be watered, or else they will wither in the heat of the sun. There is usually a desire to keep growing together. The communication is constructive, and couples have learned to accept each other’s differences.

A couple in the summer season of marriage needs to be forewarned, though. Unresolved conflicts under the surface must be brought out if a marriage is to remain in a state of fullness.

FALL

“These marriages look fine externally; outsiders may even comment on how happy the couple seems to be. Yet inside the marriage, things are changing.” Fall marriages can either be a prelude to winter, or a couple can dig deep and make time reverse so they can move to spring. Emotions in this season include sadness, apprehension, rejection, resentment, loneliness, and emotional depletion.

Couples in the fall season of their marriage have attitudes of great concern over their marriages; there is an uncertainty about where things are going.

Whatever season you are in, there are nuggets to glean, actions to take, emotions & attitudes to watch out for & climate of relationship in that season.

I will attempt to unpack these points in the following posts & do hope it will be a blessing to someone out there.

Let’s take a pit stop right now & catch up later.

What marriage season are you currently in?

Do you need help to navigate through the season?

This is my snippet …….. I AM SHALOMESQ