Cultivating Leadership skills in our kids – FINAL

Kids

October 31 2017. As today is the last day of October, this will be the last post on the series.

I really want to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who has read & commented on my posting across all platforms since I started. You have truly encouraged & energised me to keep going on.

Our anchor scripture has been Prov 22: 6  which says Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it”.

We’ve spent time looking at the first half of that scripture with the Key words Train up & in the way he should go  as we talked about Modelling & Management. 

There is a WAY our kids should be trained up & it’s our responsibility as parents to find out.

God gave them to us as His heritage, so you need to check with Him on how best to raise them up. Just like you need a manufacturer’s manual to properly assemble & operate an equipment, you need God ( the manufacturer) to give you the manual on your kids.

The second part of our text is really amazing as it points to the fact that after we train up our kids in the way they should go, later in life they embrace & remember those things & dont abandon them.

In yesterday’s post I mentioned that we use independence management as a means of judging how far our kids have embraced the things they’ve been taught over time.

It helps them recall the things they’ve been taught when it’s required.

Another task that parents are responsible for in the life of their kids is  making memories. 

There are a lot of definitions for memory but I like to define it this way: It’s the creation/retention of information/experiences over time for the purpose of influencing future action.

There are good & bad memories & our emotions influence how we process them.

There are 2 schools of thought on this,one  believes that we tend to remember bad memories more than good ones & the other believes that as a natural brain protection mechanism we remember good memories more than the bad so as to keep a positive outlook on life.

Growing up as a child, I had experiences that were both good & bad with my parents especially my late Father & personally, I remember both but tend to have more details of the good ones than the bad.

Every time I think of him, my memories are filled with the good ones, the wonderful traits I inherited from him ( my writing & speaking abilities), the road trips we took together that ignited my love for travelling & seeing the world as well as many more lovey memories.

Our job as parents is to ensure that we create a lot of good memories for our children, so that they remember us by those memories when they grow up.

While buying things for them is great, making great memories with them are much more important!!

Things like playing with them, taking them out to a park or a game arcade, spending time with them talking, going on a road trip or travelling, working with them on projects (e.g. art & craft, science, technology or computing, etc) & planning surprising events goes a long way to fill up their minds with great memories that they will cherish for the rest of their lives.

As a family we love taking pictures & making videos, we ensure that we keep records of  key “Kodak moments”  & with the aid of technology we can keep & file them so as to recall them later in the future.

Last December when my son was 10, we took sometime to look at all of his pictures & videos from his birth & we just had fun chatting about how he has changed & grew over the years. It was fascinating to hear him talk about the things he remembered the most, they were majorly things we did together as a family, places we’ve been to, houses we’ve lived in, etc.

I am really committed as a father to ensuring that I make great memories with my family especially my kids so they have them as treasures to cherish forever.

Great Leaders draw inspirations from their childhood whenever they are faced with challenges & difficulties & anytime I listen to the audio-book of Barak Obama’s “Dreams from my Father” I realise the importance of creating great memories with our kids.

Recalling some of his childhood experiences made him the leader he is today.

Please ensure you are doing your best to cultivate leadership skills in your kids by Modelling, Managing & Making great memories!!!

What sort of memory are you creating with your kids?

Will these memories help them become great future leaders?

This is my snippet, I AM SHALOMESQ!!!

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Cultivating Leadership skills in our kids IV

Kids

And just like that we are in the middle of August & the year 2017 is fast approaching the final bend to the home stretch.

I have been very busy over the last 3-4 weeks & hence my long silence as regards this series. Now things have simmered down a bit for me to make progress as we continue on our discuss.

I will like to thank everyone who has read my posts & made comments across the different platforms, you have all made my day & encouraged me to continue in this path & I am super grateful.

Now let’s add a couple more points to those earlier shared in this series.

My last post was about KNOWLEDGE MANAGEMENT in which I highlighted the need to cultivate a reading habit in our kids & how they can benefit from information we share with them in an age appropriate manner when they ask us questions as we gradually expose them to more information & to the information super-highway, THE INTERNET.

One side of knowledge management is  having a grip on what information they access or are exposed to, the other side is gauging what information have already filtered in from outside.

Your kids interact with a lot of people outside the home & no matter how much you try in protecting them, they still get information from others as well. You can gain access to that information by having ENGAGING CONVERSATION with your kids.

While my wife & I were dating, we spent a lot of time talking, we talked about our childhood, what we experienced growing up & the good things we will like to keep & transfer to our kids as well as the bad things that will not cross over to them.

One of the things we both agreed on was that we both did not like the way we were talked to as kids growing up & we decided that we were going to constantly talk to & treat our kids as adults by engaging them in conversations.

We dont talk down to our kids & we ensured that we explained things to them in age-appropriate ways instead of saying “Daddy or Mummy says so!” We had no scientific proof about this, but later discovered that engaging your kids in conversations was one of the ways of raising them smart & intelligent.

These conversations help us as parents to access those information that might have filtered into their minds outside our sphere of influence.

About 4 years ago, on our way to the barbing salon, my son asked me, “Dad can I ask a question”? Knowing that this was a chance to access his world, I say “Yes”, then he said “What does it mean if someone gives you a peck? I wasn’t too shocked, but then I probed further & discovered that he had helped a girl in school with her books & in saying thanks, the girl gave him a hug & a peck.

So I took the time to explain that it seems the girl liked him, further probe showed that this particular girl was our friend’s daughter & they get to see regularly in school as well as in church & they like each other.

I didn’t blow him away, I just explained that they are far too young for those kind of physical contacts & it will be nice to just limit it to handshakes. It also opened the door for us to talk about friendship & respect for the opposite sex.

He understood it, there was no damage to his self-esteem & this gave him more confident to come ask me more questions about other things.

As he is getting older, our talks are getting deeper as we talk about faith, spirituality, prayers, etc, imagine if I had blasted him away earlier.

About a few months ago, he came to ask me about speaking in tongues, because one of his Sunday school mates says he was speaking nonsense.  I opened the Bible to 1Cor14:2 & explained the scriptures to him on that topic & he got it.

Now as he is preparing for high school, we need to have THE SEX TALK & this will not be tough or embarrassing as we’ve been engaging in these conversations before.

In relating to leadership skills, these engaging conversations we have with our kids gives them the boldness & confidence to have engaging conversation with others.

Authority Management

This is a very controversial area & I will just give it as it is. There are a lot of aspects of authority management but primarily discipline is the anchor, others include respect for rules, understanding cause & effect,etc.

Two camps exists when it comes to discipline, some say “don’t spank your kids at all just talk to them”, others say “talking doesn’t work , you have to whip them into shape”.

We have discovered as parents that the best is the combination of both & the one to be administered depends on the severity of the situation.

Because we talk to our kids regularly & engage them in conversations, when they do something bad & we express that, they are sincerely sad about it & they come around to apologise & in that state we further engage them by asking questions like “Why is Mummy mad with you? Do you think this is right? What is the right thing to do? etc.

We fondly have this expression “DO THE RIGHT THING!!” as a safe guard for our kids to indicate that they are on the border line now & they should get themselves in the good zone quickly.

But there are days that just talking alone doesn’t work & MR. DO GOOD!! has to show up. Mr. Do Good is (Prov 22:15 & Prov 13:24) the rod of correction & everybody knows where it is kept.

This is an example, about 5 years ago my son was playing with the TV remote in his room while watching TV & I could hear him using the remote to hit stuff in his room. I went to him & told him not to that as the remote was not a toy & He said OK daddy & continued watching.

A few days latter, he did the same thing & this time around threw the remote at the TV & broke the screen, I was so annoyed &  told him to go get Mr. Do Good & he so got it on his hands & bum.

He was without a TV in his room for about 6 months & so much cherished the new one when I finally got it back in his room. Now he knows from experience that the remote is no toy.

One thing to note is this: Don’t spank your kids out of anger or in the heat of rage, It will defeat the purpose of correction. Let them still feel loved as you administer the punishment.

We will go further on this aspect in the next post.

How well are you managing the information flow to your kids?

What side of the discipline divide are you on?

This is my snippet, I AM SHALOMESQ!!!