Hello everyone & thanks so much for sticking with me on this journey as we look at ways to cultivate leadership skills in our kids.
Just a bit of a summary on the series so far, we started by looking at Proverbs 22:6 it says “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it”. The first thing we highlighted was that to train our kids in the way they should go, we must first travel that path by MODELLING these traits before them.
Then we talked about MANAGEMENT.
As part of our parental responsibilities we highlighted different areas that requires our management.
Management involves discerning the uniqueness of each child & teaching/raising them accordingly.
POSITION & CHORE management was an area we touched on as we looked at unique ways of managing our kids as a result of their position in the family as well as giving them a sense of responsibility by allotting age-appropriate chores.
Then we got into KNOWLEDGE management looking at the 2 sides of this coin, exposing them to reading & to information to fuel their imagination & curiosity while also having engaging conversations with them to learn what they know & align them accordingly.
In my last post we started looking at AUTHORITY management with the emphasis on discipline, we will continue in this line today.
In relation to leadership, the sense of responsibility, ability to get & use information, engage with people & be disciplined are all major leadership skills that guarantees success in the life of our kids.
Another area of authority management that we engage our kids with is the fact that authority is transferable. For example, I give their teachers at school full consent to spank them when required ( even though the school doesn’t support that) but our kids know that is a possibility. If they misbehave, the only thing the teacher has to say is “I will tell your parents” & that is enough to get them back on track.
On date nights, my wife & I usually take them to a friend’s place & they know at that point that the authority is transferred to the parent in whose house they are staying.
I remember growing up in those days & the saying that “it takes a village to raise a child“, then your elderly neighbour could discipline you as they deem fit if they noticed you are going left, but these days we hardly know our neighbours talk less of even getting them involved in raising our kids.
For our kids to be law abiding citizens, we also model the fact that authority is transferable in the society by obeying the laws of the land e.g. obeying traffic lights & being polite to the policeman, traffic warden, airport security,etc.
Another part of authority management is causality, this is the relationship between cause & effect. We let our kids understand that for every action, there is an equivalent reaction, so if they do bad, they get the required spanking & discipline & if they do good, they get rewarded.
One of the key things about causality is that you must keep your words at all time else your kids will see you as fake & not trust you.
As a standard rule, my wife & I keep a united front to the kids, we dont argue in front of them about anything. These kids are very smart & they can detect a weakling between the parents & exploit them accordingly.
We always keep our promises to them ( either reward or punishment) & always synchronise between us about what was promised even when one of the other parent is not around at the time of promise, either one can deliver.
For example, my wife promised my son he could take his computer to school after he completed a certain task at home, I wasn’t there at the time this deal was struck, so when I was ready to drive them to school, I noticed the computer in his bag & I told him to drop it at home. He protested saying his mom had agreed for him to take it, so I called his mom on the phone to confirm it & she said yes.
On that basis I allowed him & as he was putting the computer back in his bag he said “Nothing passes through you guys“, meaning we are so tight that he cant even find a loophole, I just smiled & said “that shows we are doing a great job as your parent”
The last part of authority management I would mention is negotiation. We run our home like a government with constitutions, decrees, rules etc ( that is a post for another day) & negotiation is a major part of governance. My wife & I are not just a set of dictators over our kids, its not always my way or the high way.
As I highlighted earlier under knowledge management, we dont say “because I said so”, we explain things to our kids in age-appropriate ways to allow them develop their sense of reasoning & engagement in conversation.
Under authority management, they are allowed to negotiate their rewards or punishment as the case may be,they must bring up points to support their arguments either for or against. Of course they dont win all the time but it helps them develop negotiation skills.
At the start of this discussion, we defined management as the ability to discern the uniqueness of a child and to teach him or her accordingly. Our kids are unique & they are blessed with an abundant pool of talents & as parents our job is to help them refine those raw talents & thrive using them.
These talents, giftings, skills & abilities could be natural to them or could be developed.
I remembered growing up, I was groomed more as a book-worm, I wasn’t the athletic type. During break-time when my classmates were out running around, playing football, jumping, having fun, etc, I was inside doing my arithmetic & mathematics.
It paid off as I grew up with the love of numbers & ended up being an engineer, but I feel I left some other talents undeveloped.
I was very good at architectural drawings, drawing cartoon & comic book characters, I had the ear for sound & music, I could sing very well, I wanted to learn how to play the guitar ( my dad had an electric guitar in his room, but we couldn’t touch it) but my parents focused more on book related talents to ensure I got good grades & got a good job at the end of day.
My wife’s upbringing was slightly different, she was more athletic than I was. She was an all round athlete, she ran for her school ( cross-country, relays, etc), played handball, swam, & also learnt music & played the piano in additional to her studies. These were talents & skills that made her super attractive to me & the rest is history.
While dating we agreed that our kids were going to get the best of both of us. They will be both book-worms & athletes, they will have extra-curricular activities & develop other talent & skills to make them complete all round.
I had look at the educational systems of developed countries & realised that they incorporated both, students that were good at sports were allowed to thrive while ensuring they maintained a certain grade to guarantee scholarship or progression.
We will continue on this in my next post.
As a parent are you a good role model to your kids?
Are you managing them uniquely in required areas?
This is my snippet, I AM SHALOMESQ!!!