After running through the entire series on love languages (from language 1 to 5), I feel its really important as we end the 1st quarter of 2016 to have a final post that bring it all together & also help couples discover their individual love languages & to be able to identify & speak that of their spouses.
We will start with a quick brief on personality & their common traits. In psychology, there are 4 major personalities or temperaments & they are:
- Sanguine: They like to have fun & usually the life of a party. Totally extroverts & very popular.
- Choleric: They like to be the boss, they see things only at the high level, they are not too detailed. Goal oriented, forceful, confident & a leader.
- Phlegmatic: They take everything cool, whatever is fine with them. They are balanced, steady, easy going & get along with everybody.
- Melancholy: They are detailed oriented, have the tendency to be a perfectionist & are highly organized. They are artistic & analytical in nature & they form very close & tight friendships.
There are 16 possible outcomes of these traits & their combinations in people,(things are not as clear cut as they seem) for example, Phleg-Mel ( a combination of Phlegmatic & Melancholy), some one who gets along with everybody & takes things cool, yet highly organized & detailed with a tendency to be a perfectionist.
As an individual, you must be able to place yourself into these traits based on the knowledge you have of yourself.
If you require help, you can conduct a personality test. I have always used this one over the years & have proven accurate for me.
The result of your personality test as an individual will help you understand yourself firstly ( Self-Awareness) before you begin to understand your spouse & others ( Social-Awareness)
You can also discover your love language by taking a profile test from Dr. Chapman’s website. My wife & I did this a while back to ascertain our primary love languages.
If you take your personality & love language profile tests, take time to review the results & make notes. Then ask your spouse to do the same as well, after some days or weeks of individual review conduct a joint-review session.
This joint-review session must be based on the premise of LOVE.
There is no way you would claim to love someone if you don’t give out something (e.g. time,energy, effort,etc).Both parties must understand clearly the reason(s) for doing this & it must be in an atmosphere void of condemnation or confrontation.
For those that are dating at the moment, I highly recommend this as it sets the tone for your marriage (Ps11:3), ensure that the foundation is set correctly. For those already married, the same scripture poses a question “what can be done in-case the foundation was not right?” We have a God of mercy who gives many chances for correction & in this case, the structure can be lifted & the foundation corrected. A new spark & life can begin for those already married but struggling.
The graphic below gives a high-level summary to the entire series.
One thing that is important is that LOVE is a choice & not just a feeling. Couples must make a concrete, deliberate & intentional decision to enjoy & not endure their marriage. I can tell you for a fact that it’s a lot of hard work & sacrifices, but the benefits are awesome & outweigh the hard work.
I am totally aware that people are under pressure & struggling in their marriages & relationships, but I challenge both the man & woman in such situations to put this to the test as least for 90 days.
Even if your spouse doesn’t show interest in conducting the tests, you do it & start to make changes, show LOVE even if you don’t get it back ( for now), as you stay faithful to it, they will eventually come around.
We ( My wife & I) will be more than happy to assist to the best of our abilities.
Finally, the following questions & words from Dr. Gary Chapman are very important :
What is your primary love language? What makes you feel most loved by your spouse?
You won’t find the way into each other’s hearts if you’re knocking at the wrong door.
Learn to speak the right language when you say, “I love you.”
This is my snippet, I AM SHALOMESQ!!!