Hello Everyone! It’s been a month since my last post on this series. I will like to apologize for the break as I got feedbacks from people eagerly waiting for the concluding posts on this series.
Work has been really intense, but things have eased out now & will use the little time I have to push on with the series to conclusion.
So far we have looked at 3 of the 5 love languages i.e. Words of Affirmation, Quality Time & Receiving Gifts. Today I will be sharing about the 4th language – Acts of Service.
Learning the love language of acts of service will require some of us to re-examine our stereotypes of the roles of husbands and wives.
There is this wrong notion that acts of service in a home is solely the responsibility of the wife. I am of a different opinion, luckily for me & my siblings, our mother never treated us specially in the sense that girls can only do this & boys do other stuff.
I knew how to cook,clean & take care of the house & my siblings as much as my sister did & she knew about pulling & starting the generator, changing the light bulb & other things as much as the boys did.
My wife & I are raising our kids this way too. They must learn that its not strange for daddy to cook & clean, while mummy can also take the ladder & change the bulb.
The load of keeping the home running must be shared.
With that background, I was impressed to know that my wife was a Tom-boy as she knew & enjoyed doing all the boy’s stuff as much as the girl’s. We connected & complemented each other at that level too, for example, I love ironing while she loves washing.
My wife is a superwoman as she juggles a lot together to ensure things run smoothly in our home coupled with her (9-5) job.
On mother’s day -a couple of weeks back – I called & appreciated her as the Director of Operations of our home as she deserves that & much more.
So in my own way, I pitch-in around the house to lighten up her load & she appreciates it a lot. Considering that this is her primary love language, her love tank is so full when I do these things & I also get rewards for them later (wink!!).
But this can also go the other way in which its the husband that has this love language & the wife will have to do some stuff that her husband loves getting done as a service to him.
This is not a small task as it involves adequate thought, planning, time, effort & energy.
If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love.
In the bible Jesus says “whoever want to be the greatest must be the servant of all” (Matt 23:11)
In our home, my acts of service revolves around the following:
- Bathing the kids & getting them ready for school every morning: Initially it was difficult as I had to adjust my daily routine to accommodate it. But now it’s one of the most interesting part of my morning. Our son is almost 10 years now, so he handles himself well, but my 4 year old daughter loves it so much when I dress her up & we take the time to pray, sing songs together & just get to connect more. I know the stories about every scar on their bodies & as they grow older & become independent, I will miss those times.
- Helping to clean up the house & arrange things properly: This is my thing!! She calls me Mr Monk at times. I have a serious obsession about things being in the right place, I cant walk pass a pair of shoes arranged wrongly or 1 pair facing a different direction while others are in another direction without making corrections. I cant walk pass a bed that is not made & cover clothes/PJs not smartly folded under the pillow.
- Cooking, washing plates & all kitchen stuff: Even though she is still the no.1 Chef in the family, I am more than comfortable stepping in when required.
- Mr. Fix-It: With my background & training as an Engineer, I am the designated Mr. Fix-It in the house. It’s great to have an adjustable ladder & a complete set of tools to do all of the 1st level repairs around the house. I see the love & appreciation in her eyes when I get things fixed. Like I said before, she too knows her ways around tools very well.
If your spouse’s love language is Acts of Service, here are some suggestions to help speak that language & fill your spouse’s love tank:
- Make a list of all the requests your spouse has made of you over the past couple of weeks. Select one & do it as an expression of love weekly.
- Ask your spouse to make a list of 10 things they would like you to do & then take them one by one.
- Deliberately surprise your spouse by doing a major act of service like washing the car, take out the thrash, cooking a special meal, etc.
- Periodically ask your spouse “If I could do one special act of service this week, what would your request be?”
Please try this out, I can tell you it works like a charm & let me know how it goes.
We will be looking at the last language ( Physical Touch) in the next post before we wrap up the entire series. I am committed to give out as much family oriented information as possible to ensure that we all enjoy & not endure our marriage.
This is my snippet, I AM SHALOMESQ!!!