In the last post a couple of weeks back, we discussed about the second love language (Quality Time) & I’ve received some feedbacks on how that post has been of help to people.
Due to some engagement at work, this particular post was delayed & I kept getting prompts from people as to when I was going to continue with the series.
So in response let’s continue on the series with the third love language (Receiving Gifts).
I mentioned in one of the earlier post that giving is an integral part of LOVE. John3:16 says God loved so much that he gave. There is no way one can claim to love another so deeply without this vital part of giving.
Studies have shown that in various cultures across the world, there is a big relationship between love, giving & marriage. In Gen24,Abraham was going to seek for a bride for Isaac, he told his servant in Gen24:10(NLT) to travel with 10 camels all loaded with gifts.
Giving of gifts is an outward expression of an internal feeling, you can hold the gift in your hands & know for sure that “He thought of you” or “She remembered you”. It’s actually the thought that counts & not really the cost of the gift.
Gifts are the visual symbols of LOVE!!!
But in this case we are looking at receiving of gifts as a love language. We all love receiving gifts, it shows us that we are important & valuable to whoever is giving out the gift, but some of us love receiving gifts more than others.
If this is a primary love language for a spouse, then you are in luck as it’s the easiest to learn. Those that have this love language don’t really consider the cost attached to the gift, but they value the thought behind it.
For us (My wife & I) it’s not our primary love language but it’s an integral part of the love spice & helps to fill the love tank.
I remember while we were dating we exchanged love notes (it could be a poem or just some write up that expresses our love for each other as inspired by nature), we would hide it between books, in our bags, etc & it was always a pleasure to read them.
My wife specially bought a notepad that was heart-shaped & years later I still read them & smile with that radiant feeling of LOVE.
There was a major one I did a while back in 2002. I was just introduced to the ministry of Joyce Meyers, so I bought & was reading her book “Reduce Me to Love“.
On the cover of the book was a beautiful heart-shaped gold locket as shown below.
I did all I could to look for a replica one to buy for her, it took me months in my search,eventually ( with the help of a colleague at work), I got the silver version of the same locket.When I gave it to her, she was on top of the world & wore it with pride.In fact she still wears it these days when its our special events.
She has done the same for me too may times over, in buying me stuffs, my favorite perfume or shirt or shoes. Gifts may be bought, found or made, but to the one who loves receiving gifts, it doesn’t really matter how it comes.
If the primary language of your spouse is receiving gifts then you can do the following:
- Learn about what gift excites them: I know of someone who really doesn’t like cards as gifts, but is super excited about cup cakes & electronics. So you will do well to gather a list of things your spouse is excited about & regularly shower them with it. Be attentive to your spouse, anytime they say “I really like that or I would love to have that” just take note & surprise them with it.You can also ask her other friends & siblings to know more about what they like.
- Don’t wait for a special occasion: Valentine’s day was celebrated about a week ago & that is the only day that some couples exchange gifts. But to someone whose primary love language is receiving gifts, its not enough. You must regularly do this & not wait for special occasions even though they expect to get gifts on special occasions too.
- Be creative with your gifts: Almost anything you give as gift will be appreciated & received by a spouse whose primary love language is receiving gifts, so cost is not that important. You can just cut out a hear-shape from a piece of paper & write “I LOVE YOU” or send her an IM to her phone relating her smile to the whiteness of snow in the Alps during winter. You can also make it a scavenger hunt for the gift, using clues from you lives together, or you can use symbols from nature. A stone to represent his strength & consistency or a flower to represent her radiance & beauty.
The Gift of Presence
When we talk about gifts, a lot of the times our minds shifts to money & if you noticed I’ve mentioned a couple of times already that the cost of the gift doesn’t really matter, but what counts is the thought.
To the one whose primary love language is receiving gift, the most important is the gift of presence from their spouse. Dr Chapman also calls it the gift of self. They just want their spouse to be there for & with them at all times. It’s somehow also related to the love language Quality Time.
Physical presence in the time of need ( crisis or challenges) is the most powerful gift you can give to a spouse whose primary love language is receiving gifts, it goes a long way to show your love & commitment.
Your spouse might also need your presence as a thing of pride to show you off to others e.g. at office parties or community outings. I love to take my wife out to an office gathering or party, I have the picture of my family on my table at work so everyone knows her the moment they spot her out at any event & her presence alone is a gift to me.
I do the same for her as well, I don’t mind being the only husband at her colleague’s or friend’s party or event. I know she loves showing me off & I rise up to the occasion as well & give it as a gift to her.
This love language is interconnected with others as it centers around the integral part of LOVE which is GIVING & also helps to fill our spouse’s love tank.
I hope by now you would have seen what your love language is & possibly that of your spouse as well. If not, we have 2 more to go!!
The next post will be looking at the 4th love language ( Acts of Service) which happens to be my wife’s primary love language.
This is my snippet, I AM SHALOMESQ!!!