In Genesis 2:23, The first man Adam, made a very profound statement when God brought a new being he just made to him. He said “this is now the bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh”.
I was in church(COZA -Commonwealth Of Zion Assembly Abuja) on the 7th of Jan 2015, it was day 6 of our 12 days of Glory(12DG) programme and one of the leaders came up stage to lead us in prayers, he was specific about praying for singles in our church to ensure that they get the right life partner just like Adam got his.
While praying I couldn’t help but remember how God arranged the meeting between my wife & I way back in 1998, we got married in 2005 & by 5th November 2015, we would have been married for 10 glorious years.
I would like to share some nuggets that I received & used while I was single and searching. I hope this will help someone out there.
I must first and foremost declare that these principles are not cast in stone as God can’t be put in a box, he is a sovereign God who knows all and can do all.
Let’s backup to Genesis 2:18, v18 shows that the whole idea of marriage came from God. He said it’s not good for Man to be alone, God decided to make a help meet for him. The Amplified Bible says it’s not sufficient and satisfactory that man should be alone.
God is interested in you settling down into a family, it doesn’t matter what the current situation is. This is something to settle in your mind, you might be nearing 40 as a man or already over 30 as a woman( with your biological clock ticking away) please know for certainty that God has made it his business to sort you out. He originated marriage for 1 man and 1 woman Q.E.D.
In my case, I grew up in a very tough home, my parents fought regularly, there was a lot of abuse, physical, mental,etc. there was nothing to look up to. I decided early in my teenage years that I will not have a home like my parents instead I will have the opposite, so i started looking for materials. I was privileged to stumble on a book by Dr.James Dobson on family in my dad’s library ( quite ironic) and I read it end to end.
By my 16th birthday I was already praying for my future and future partner on a regular (weekly) basis as I was taught in my home church. So I already settled it that God will sort my marriage out and it will indeed be heaven on earth and something I will be proud of.
In verses 19-20, God went to work forming every kind of living creature of the field and every bird of the air and brought them to Adam to name them and whatever name Adam called them stuck till this day, but there was not found a helper meet ( suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.
In this same earth that you are in, God has created men and women in every sphere of life for you to interact with. He will make you meet them in church, in school, in your office, in the market, at the mall & everywhere so that you can “name” them.
It’s very interesting that in bible times names were given to people based on a number of reasons, some could be because of the nature they display e.g. Jacob ( the cheat), or the promise of God on their life e.g. Daniel ( God is my Judge), Abraham ( father of many). To a large extent a name reflects the nature or character of a person.
In this light God will bring around you men and women of different nature and character for you to study, glean something from and properly identify them. Your task is to be their friend, be alert and learn.
In my case, I had a lot of friends that were females, my colleagues in school, at work, in church etc. initially, I met those that I liked a lot and some that I even loved, but unfortunately they were not the ultimate, God made me learn a lot about the woman folk, how to handle their emotions, expectations and desires. I had help from my mentors who had gone through that path before, so I wasn’t alone in the journey.
An integral part of this activity is also the function to act as a Eunuch to another man’s queen.
In the middle east, eunuchs were castrated male that were employed to be in charge of an harem, women’s quarters or as chamberlains to kings. They are meant to see to the needs of these women to prepare them for their King (Esther 1: 10-11; Matthew 19: 11-13) without any sexual relationship or contact.
I was able to (with a lot of help) clearly communicate this position to my female friends. I must admit that it wasn’t easy & it might not be something every man can do, but I just reasoned it out that even when get married I will still have & interact with friends & colleagues that are female so I might just as well learn how to be that eunuch to them.
In the case of Adam, ALL the animals were presented, he named ALL of them & none was help meet for him.
To find a help meet for you, 3 criteria must be meet.
Suitability: This talks about the quality or state of a thing being suitable or fit. There is an expression that says something is “fit for purpose”.
Dr.Myles Munroe has a popular quote that say “When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable”. You must know the reason why you want to get married, there are many reasons people get married these days. You must know yours & it must match that of your spouse, Amos 3:3 asked a question, it says “Can two walk together except they agree?”
Adaptability: According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, being adaptable means the ability to “change or be changed in order to fit or work better in some situation or for some purpose”. This is also a major requirement to finding a help meet.
Marriage is about two adaptable people who are so much in love with each other that they can give up something for the sake of that love. In John 3:16, God loved us so much that he gave ( let go) of his Son to die for us. Giving is a core part of Love.
Complement-ability: Marriage is all about complementing one another & its not a competition. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12(NKJV) highlights the fact that Two are better than one, in terms of a better reward for their labour as well as the support structure.
If one falls down, the other is there to helps; This means in the area where I am weak, my help meet must be strong so as to complement me, so the outside world doesn’t see any weakness, all they see is a strong & united front.
When you have all of these criteria in place, you are on the road to discovering that help meet. There are a couple of tests that you can carry out to confirm these 3 criteria & I conducted this with my Wife at the time & she passed with flying colours. I will share them in another post.
We are just about mid-way into this discussion, please look out for the concluding part in another post.
This is my snippet, I am SHALOMESQ